Today my thoughts circle around Seasonal Affective Disorder in part due to an article I must start/complete/submit today. But also as I feel that deep-dip. The sinking feeling that I am not enough. That I should hide-out under the covers and read novels away from those I love. The feeling that I may panic if I have to look outside myself toward the world. I do know we all have moments like this, but with a layer of Seasonal kicking in it gets more challenging.
Over the holidays I tried to stick to a regime of physical activity, clean foods, and supplements. But you know how it goes I was far from a routine the last couple of weeks. I ate far less nutrient rich food, less fruit, less whole grains. I did not take my multi-vitamin, Omega 3s, extra D vitamins, nor did I take my melatonin and 5HTP. Do these things help! As Sarah Palin would say, “You betcha’ (wink).”
What also helps is to have a loving supportive partner, I have Mike. But I did not lean on him as much in the past week. His son was here and I did not want to be a distraction. I put my panic attacks on the back burner. There are times I need constant reassurance while under the affects of winter. For the last week I was “going it alone” more than I am used to. And I was doing “new” stuff. The stuff that puts you “out there” in the world.
On top of it all I am tackling a weight issue that also affects my self-esteem and has gotten to a crucial point. As I realize all those issues that have driven me to eat–all the emotional responses–Yikes! I will save these realizations for another post over at The Dailies. But as new understandings came forward I was throttled, again.
Then there is a splash of color in winter. A moment of Joy! The moment I sunk in a swamp while looking at a high ridge with a ski-jump in exhilarating cold. Then there is that flash of a boy-ish smile where Mike’s face lights up. These things keep pulling me out. They make me look behind things, like that door in the photo that I wanted to look behind. These moments pull me out of myself. I find a way to get out of the sludge of S.A.D. and carry-on.
For more color-shots visit my Red Set at Flickr.
Hi Kim…I feel for you. Winter can be tough for those suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder. Then all those thoughts of inadquacies and not-enoughness start clamouring. I know…. Even telling ourselves “I AM enough” is not always enough to alleviate the old inner tapes of low self esteem and other challenges.
Those red berries do give us a moment of joy in the midst of grayness, don’t they? My heart leaped last week to find that splash of color. We almost forget what a colorful world looks like. For me, getting outside helps. I am wondering what will happen during my annual late January or early February cabin fever when it all gets too much? Last year I went to Marquette and stayed in a motel for a night. Marquette seems like the biggest best city in the universe to someone who’s been too long in the woods….
I think we all have to help each other through these gray days. Blessings to you! Kathy
Thanks for your support! I was just going to pull back the thermal panel curtains and then saw my thermometer reads -4.5 outside. The curtains remain closed. Too bad as it is bright and sunny.
I will opt for some indoor exercise instead.
[...] For a blog-post on Confidence and Seasonal Affective Disorder visit, A Winter Journal: Notes from the Upper Peninsula [...]